A Year That Answers

A few weeks ago, I was listening to Zadie Smith (of course) on the Talk Easy podcast. She had lots of great insight as always, about life and writing, but something mentioned during her chat with Sam Fragoso that really stuck with me was the Zora Neale Hurston quote the two briefly discussed: “There are years that ask questions and years that answer them.”

That quote is so succinct, so intuitive and in many ways, comforting.

It got me thinking about the years in my life that have really posed questions. There have in fact been many of these. Being only 26, there have been far fewer that have really “answered.”

As we approach Thanksgiving though, and this year begins to wind down, I have been thinking about the ways in which 2023 has been a year of answers. Not necessarily for the big, overarching life questions that I have gathered up until this point. Those may never get answered and when they do, I may wish I wasn’t in such a hurry to know them. Rather, for other smaller, but no less significant, questions.

And amongst all of that, ironically, an answer I have come to realize is that it is okay to have questions.

This may seem obvious, but it is something I have really struggled with lately. While 26 may be very young, and let’s be real, kind of a random age, in some ways it feels pivotal. For me, it has felt like an age in which outside forces have really started to put pressure on figuring everything out. Not only that, but in some cases, more frighteningly, an age by which you already need to have things figured out. And to not have done so—to not have yet reached some of what society deems to be life’s biggest milestones has at times left me feeling everything from motivated to confused to empty.

Then I came to understand that, it is not so much the unknown itself that is anxiety inducing , but more so the discomfort that sitting with that unknown can bring.

The instinct I’ve often had is to run from that discomfort—to not sit with it too long for fear of what it ultimately could reveal about myself or others or humanity at large.

If there is anything my adult life has taught me so far though, it is that there is some beauty to be found amongst that discomfort because often within that can be growth.

It is just as exciting as it is scary not to understand everything there is to know about life, love, the world, or even myself yet.

And of course, even in a year that answers, those answers inevitably lead to more questions because human curiosity for better or worse, is insatiable. There really is something to the phrase “take it day by day.”

So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for the answers that keep the questions going.

I am so endlessly grateful for the wonderful people in my life. The family who lift me up, the friends who make life so much brighter and love without conditions.

I am thankful for all of the years I was able to share with my father, who was the greatest.

I am thankful for my insane, but loving dog who nudges me awake every morning and falls asleep by my feet each night.

I am grateful for the food in my fridge, the warm blankets in my closet, and the roof over my head.

And I am grateful for this medium, this art, this outlet—this mind boggling work that is writing which never fails to make me feel alive, and fills me with a purpose that has yet to be answered, but that I hope I live up to one day.